I was raised in a pretty traditional household; the women take care of the house and family while the man goes out to bring home the bacon. I went into college thinking this is the “right way” to do things, but my eyes have been opened in the past few years. Aside from the different cultures on campus and religions I’d never heard of, there are women who don’t want to have to take care of their family day in and day out. I’ve heard two reasons for not wanting to have children: 1) the pain of childbirth 2) pursuit of their career.
My partner doesn’t want to have children in fear of the pain that comes with childbirth and at first I was opposed to the idea. Thinking to myself “She’ll grow out of it” – btw that’s one of the many things you should NEVER say to a woman who doesn’t want children. She does want a family and we discussed the options: adoption and choosing a surrogate. After I stopped being so close minded to this idea, I realized there are other women who may feel the same. Maybe their mothers and grandmothers constantly have complication during childbirth and they don’t want to out themselves in the same position, which would worry me as well. I’ve never had a child and the thought of childbirth and pregnancy is a bit scary, but I believe every child is a gift. If I decided to have a child, I would go through a planned pregnancy program to know what to expect and to ensure my body was baby ready.
Many woman don’t want to put their lives on pause for the sake of starting a family (most men don’t have to make this sacrifice). I’ve met wonderful women who have no children and led a full life. Some do more than pursue their dream job, but they may travel the world and serve others out of the goodness of their heart. Not having kids gives one a lot of time to explore their world, whether that means literally exploring other countries or just perfecting their artistic skills, writing the novel of the century, or creating the next hot piece of technology for the world.
People on the outside looking in, may not take into consideration that a woman may not have time or money to sacrifice to support another life. Having a child is a big responsibility, because you’re creating a future public citizen. At first they’re innocent and adorable, but one day they’ll take everything you’ve given them and be another individual of the world population. Will they be homeless? Will they play fair? Will they break the law? How will they learn to take care of themselves? That’s a lot of pressure and not everyone wants to take on that particular challenge.
If you feel out of place, because you have no desire to have children, you are not alone; Maddie McClouskey, Liz Langley, Beth Lapides and Laura Beck are more than understanding of the stigmas associated with women who don’t want kids.